This is my first entry, so i'm a little nervous. It might be a little scatterbrained...which...is usually how I think.
I guess I will write my story from the time I became a mom. Motherhood has taught me alot! How you could love a little baby so much. I love Addison. She brightens my world up so much!
Most of you know, I was SO sick when I was pregnant with her. Until about 6 months prego, I was throwing up constantly, and I was in the hospital alot for IV fluids. Things eventually got better...and on August 20th, 2010, I became a mom. BEST DAY EVER. (Well, besides the day I married David.) We ended up falling behind on bills, because I was missing work. And we didnt get health insurance until i was almost past the hospital visits. I was so happy when David got the job at National. Amazing insurance! But, now, we are behind on alot. Especially with me being out for maternity leave. We planned bad, and didnt save enough. Somehow we miscalculated. Our $ situation has been getting better since I went back to work in November. But, I really miss my baby. Im breastfeeding, and working. That is tough for me, i hate pumping. And, lately I havent been making enough for her to eat. So as of last week we've been supplementing with formula. Ive been pretty depressed about this, but I'm thankful she still wants to nurse when Im home with her. So we just might make it to my goal: one year. On top of everything we have going on (Davids working 12 hour night shifts, im working nights, etc) we have finally decided we cannot afford the house anymore. This kills me. We worked so freakin hard to get this far. But I have to remind myself daily, we need to do whats best for our daughter. Staying in this house, isnt whats best. Actually, I really kind of hate this house. Its a split level, pain in the ass, hell hole. There is always something going wrong with it. The basement floods (wasnt disclosed when we bought it), so our basement cant be used. I dont trust it. Having a baby with 5 million toys on one floor, drives me crazy. It isnt really baby friendly. Especially with two huge Rottweilers. So thankfully, Davids mom is letting us rent her old house. We are going to sell ours. Our best bet, unfortunately would be short sale. We wouldnt get a dime. UGH. Oh well. I just want to move on. And speaking of MOVING. what a pain, with a walking baby. i cant seem to get anything done! Im the only one that packs...I try to pack a couple boxes a day. We moved one load this past weekend. What a flop that was. We got up before Addie, so we could get the van packed up (our boss is letting us use the big company van). Well David managed to hurt his back loading a heavy box. He was out of commission. I wasnt about to unload the van, so we drove over to Pownal house and I unloaded it all by myself. My mom came over to entertain Addie for me-thank goodness. We are hoping to move another load this weekend. It feels like Im always running. I never have time to stop and smell the roses. Im doing laundry, dishes, making baby food, washing diapers (Yes we cloth diaper!), nursing addie, cleaning, trying to find time for me to shower, and then I leave for work. im always so busy. And the poor dogs...i feel so guilty about they way they are attention deprived. I try to play with them when I get a second...and I try and walk Bruschi when its nice enough to bring Addie out. I feel like everything is my responsibility. Im needing to vent sometimes about everything I have to do. So I usually turn to my hubby, my best friend. Well tonight I told him Im tired of doing everything. he got mad at me for venting. I dont really have friends, so I guess I can vent to this page from now on. I feel like I never have time for anything. EVER. I really hope things get better once we move. maybe we can spend more time as a family. I would love that. And i would love to see my sisters more often. I really miss them. Im always telling Tonya I dont have time for her. I feel so bad. Poor Cassie lives in Oxford, so its a bit of a drive for me. Ive been wanting to visit, but again...when am I supposed to? I want to see Belinda...but our schedules clash. weekends are usually booked up for me, as david has every other saturday off. I want to go visit grandparents...show Addie off....I want to go see my Dad more...i used to bug him all the time. I miss it. This is what being a mom is. responsibility. I am glad though, that my mom and i have become close...like, better than ever. She watches Addie alot. And, we get to visit all the time. Im glad things are better between us. I want to go out and about, exploring, hiking, camping, I want to show addie the world! im so excited for our new adventures as parents. I hope we find the time for everything we want to do in life. I hope David graduates college with no problems. I cant wait until thats over. Thats enough for now. Im exhausted...and bed calls my name. thanks for letting me ramble!
~Char
I can relate believe me! Being a mom is the best gift I ever received but its the hardest job I have ever had with the least amount of pay. Thank you for sharing and reminding me that I am not the only Mom in the world who feels like they do it all and its never enough. Can't wait for next post.
ReplyDeleteCharlotte, I know how you feel, I have been suffering from post partum depression since Jayden was born, I was going to support groups which helped immensely, but once work started up, I got too busy. I know we've never met in person, but I'm here for you. Somehow u feel like I've known you forever, maybe it's cause we were pregnant serge same time, I dont know, but please feel free to rant to me anytime. We will have to meet in september for sure. You are a wonderful mommy, Addie is very obviously the love of you life, all you posts are about her! She is an amazing child, can't believe shes walking! Keep on blogging, I journal, can't big, if my in laws were to read half the stuff I'm thinking, they would hate me forever! Email me anytime you need to talk.
ReplyDeleteso many of your thoughts are very familiar to me1!lol im glad im not the only one :)i think the hardest part is when what few friends i have are always just a little distant,i think its because im still a mom of little ones while most of then people my age (38) are all done having babies and dealing with older teens.its hard to relate to sleep deprived people who tend to only talk about their babies,spit up and diapers. oh qwell its so worth it at the end of the day isnt it when we get wet little kisses and hugs from chubby little arms :)hang in there and dont forget hubby they are always like another kid no matter how great they are they are male :)
ReplyDeleteI am so proud of your accomplishments and putting your best efforts in being a working wife and Mom. I love you and David and can't love Addi J enough. She is such a joy. When I am with her she is like honey is to a bee. I enjoy watching her grow and learn. Life takes us into so many ups and downs twists and turns but if a couple love each other and are there for one another to their best of ability then you can make life happy no matter what. Keep up the good work. Your marriage to one another is the most important foundation to the whole picture. So keep it fresh always then you will be better parents for your baby. Love and hugs from Mom
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