Addie turned 1. Yup, it happend way too fast for me. She stopped nursing about 2 1/2 weeks before, so we didnt technically make it to a year. This, is driving me nuts. Did I do awesome? Yes! To be a working mom, and we made it almost to a year. So, I guess I will just say we did. That will make me feel better. I got a case of the baby blues. I never thought this would happen to me. But, it most certainly did. I think I still have a touch of it, here and there.
Lately, I feel like I need a rewind button. I feel like if i had done everything different, we would be living the perfect life right now. I know there is no such thing as perfect, but, in my eyes, it would be better than where we're at now. I would have worked more, when I was younger, gone to college, been more careless (lol), built a house (i will never buy a used one again), I would never change the fact that I wanted to be a mom. Addie is the one thing I would never change. Oh, and of course David. haha. My life would be nothing without those two. I probably would have waited to get a 2nd dog. That is rough. I never would have had room-mates (terrible experiences), I never would have done a lot of things. Include, getting pregnant when we had so much on our plate. Do I regret it? Not all all, I regret the timing. We should have had things lined up better. Now? Our option is forclosure. It will come off our credit quicker than a short sale. This kills me. I hate that we busted our asses to get that stupid house. And now, eventually the bank (that actually sent a mortgage check back to us, they wouldnt accept it) will forclose on it. talk about failing. I hate failure. I dont accept it well.
And with the friggin fleas dude. We bombed the house, scrubbed the animals down, and gave them all a pill called capstar (works amazing), but we couldnt afford to get more. They were flea free for all of 3 days. So when some of the leftover eggs hatched, we are almost right back where we started. I picked 4 off Addie's jammies tonight. I feel so bad, shes probably getting all bit up in her room. Bruschi is allergic to fleas, so he chews himself raw, and bleeds. Boy, im having the time of my life. I just want to rewind, and be back in Windham with no issues! I feel like this is all a bad dream and its going to be over soon. We would have had more money for capstar pills if we didnt have to spend $200 in gas for the stupid generator. The only reason we had to run it was to avoid losing the water. (bad prime needs to be fixed). So it ran non stop for 3 days.
The only good news is Addie checked out awesome at her 1 year appt, and Im going down to part time, which I dont know if thats good, seems we need the money especially with oil season coming. I wish I could be home with her all the time. But i guess its impossible to be a SAHM these days. (stay at home mom)
I want a new tattoo. I want it soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo bad. It helps me relieve stress, and that I have a ton of. I hate that they are so expensive.
I hate that I cant seem to wash cloth diapers right. They either stink-not enough detergent, or they burn addie's bum-too much detergent. I cant win. So annoying. Can you tell today was a bad day? I usually blog when things are bad. I need a night out, i need a date night, with adults. So funny, money has always been an issue for us, it doesnt matter how much we make, tons, or pennies, we always seem to have issues. money management class...here we come. hahahahaha. FML. random thoughts....time for bed. I hate cats. Anyone want some cats? Free cats.....FREE. Want to hear about my day? Okay, here it is!
12:22pm-Addison: "Mamma! MAMMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"....mamma?
12:25pm-I pee, Change Addies diaper, make her breakfast, check facebook
12:45pm-play with addie
1pm-Addie asked to see Dadda, we go see dadda, she slaps him in the eye.
1:30pm-play with addie, read books, dry diapers, read books, have snack, change diaper, play with addie
2pm- FINALLY we can wake dadda up.
2-3p-dadda and addie time, while i do dishes and make supper
330/4ishy-naptime. Thank god.
4-5pm-Addie naps while I shower, eat, and we argue about dumb crap.
6pm i leave for work
7-12:30 I clean peoples shit up, and listen to Russ be a retard all night long, listen to Rick bitch about Russ etc. Fun times.
1am-Home, Addie wouldnt go to sleep, (shes usually in bed when I get home) I made her a bottle (another one), and changed her diaper, to discover a massive chemical burn because Im a moron and apparently didnt rinse her diapers enough. Her room is too warm, shes hot, probably getting eaten by fleas, and her poor bum is so red :-( I hate today. Im glad its over. END RANT.
3:30am...eating cocoa crunchies, bitching on blogger!
Oh, i almost forgot, i scooped 20lbs of gross cat litter. Im so over cats. I HATE THEM.
